Check Instagram. Block comment notifications so that you only see them when you open the app.
Reply to some comments, force yourself to not reply to others. It’ll only make you madder than ever, no matter how ridiculous those statements are.
Try Tumblr next. Scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll for a while until you’ve lost track of time. Like some posts, reblog a handful of them, lurk on the rest. Check if your favorite blog answered the anonymous question you sent them last night, since they’re in a different time zone. Keep scrolling for a bit until you lose track of time again.
Watch a few videos on YouTube, each of a different length. Select one channel and then find their oldest video, or their most popular one, and see how things have changed since then.
Go back to Instagram and find out what that guy who makes sculptures with chocolate has been up to lately. It’s a giraffe this time, followed by some shiny miniature realistic work of art you can eat (if you flew halfway across the world and spent a ton of money). View people’s stories, complain about the number of reels taking over the platform, and suffer through headache-inducing Minecraft jumping reels just so that you can read the text of one very slow Reddit AITA repost.
Take a break and check Twitter on your PC. Don’t install the app because then you’ll never get away; look what’s happened to you on Instagram and Tumblr. Read some absolutely bonkers hot takes about the world, realize that this is just some random recommendation because you follow an account who sometimes posts about the same topic (albeit with less hot takes), try to get rid of the Trending topics you know will just give you anxiety, go check out your favorite celebrity’s tweets instead and admire his latest selfie because he looks gorgeous.
Forget about Facebook. It only makes things worse.
Wonder if you should download TikTok, but then hear about some new trend or hot take that’s going around and change your mind.
Go back to Tumblr for the second, third, fourth time in a row, even if you closed the app just five seconds ago. Scroll till you finish reading the new posts and liking and reblogging a few.
Go back to YouTube and watch half of a longer video, promising to come back to it later (even though you know you won’t). Find a video that’s somehow been roped into YouTube Kids and lament that you can’t comment on a beloved childhood show clip anymore.
One last look at Instagram and you’ll be done. Just don’t forget to hate the Explore page for all eternity.
Tell yourself you’ll cut down how much time you spend on these apps, only to scroll, scroll, scroll before bed once again. Rinse and repeat the cycle again tomorrow.
